“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Alfred, Lord Tennyson
As the plane lifts off the tarmac, I experience a deep sense of loss leaving my home country having just said goodbye to my mother for the last time. Up in the clouds I let grief envelop me, reflecting on love and loss. Losing loved ones hurts. Losing a pet can hurt just as much given that what we grieve is the loss of a deep emotional connection; a presence that provides comfort and companionship and who loves us right back.
Over the course of my life as a veterinarian and as a pet owner myself I have come across grief and loss more often than I’d like to remember. The profound bond that forms between us and our furry companions makes losing them incredibly painful. Sometimes it can be hard for people who don’t have animals to understand the grief and loss that is experienced by an animal lover.
The pain of that loss can also be associated with deeper undercurrents of sadness: for example, a senior citizen losing a last animal before moving to a retirement home that doesn’t allow pets, a cancer diagnosis in a pet while the owner himself is undergoing chemotherapy, the loss of a very first pet that signifies the loss of childhood. Feelings of guilt associated with a decision to euthanize an animal can sometimes be present and although considered to be a normal stage of the grieving process, guilt can be very overwhelming . Veterinarians are deeply, by nature, empathetic and compassionate. They can help you with difficult decisions concerning the care of a pet and the feelings associated with a pet’s passing.
Talking to friends and family and feeling love and support from people close to us can help us manage feelings of sadness.
I feel particularly lucky to count Tyler Wantiez as a colleague at the Point Breeze Veterinary Clinic. Tyler is a licensed veterinary technician who is also a social worker. He has proved himself to be an invaluable resource for pet owners. There is also a wide range of help available for those who might need it: online websites dedicated to grief, books, group sessions specializing on pet loss and even individual therapy. (Please see below for further information and resources)
It’s become clear to me over the years that grief is an emotion that is better if shared. Isn’t that the point of gathering for funerals? To share our feelings of loss while sharing memories, stories and embrace our loved ones. Out of despair resilience is born, and in time makes way for peace and the capacity to love again.
I’ve been thinking about my mother a lot and she always used to quote Tennyson to me: better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. I myself have repeated it occasionally to grieving pet owners over the years and it rings true to me today as I leave my hometown.
I love you Mummy.
In loving memory of Lucille Labbé Simard
1935 – 2024
Dr. Caroline Simard-Swimmer
Medical Director, Pets After Dark
